The last few days have been jam packed with unusual goodness.
Exactly seven days ago I was at the complete end of myself. We had to send out an email alerting our supporters that we did not have the necessary funds to send our Ugandan children back to school. We needed a whopping $7,500 and we needed it FAST.
It is so so SO hard to send out that kind of email. SO hard.
I had to humble myself and hold out my empty hands before my partners, my children, my supporters and my God. To be very VERY honest, I didn't feel I deserved a "rescue." For the sake of the children I knew we had to open up and share our need. I just personally felt all used up and wilted. Like a flower beyond saving. Not worth watering.
I wanted the Lord to intervene for the children. I did. But I couldn't bring myself to really pray or talk to Him about it in any way. In fact, I didn't even say much of anything about this need on the blog. I just couldn't. I didn't want to be involved. I needed Him to do it for them...but not for me or through me.
Most of you have seen by now that God met our need. He met it in full. In fact, he almost doubled what we needed.
I was so pleased as I watched the donations roll in. It was very touching. What started out as a dry month was suddenly quite lush. The months ahead looked more promising too.
My joy and enthusiasm are normally off the charts at times such as this. But they weren't. As much as I was thankful for the gifts that came in I was mostly pleased for the staff and children at Ranch. Pleased and relieved. But I was not enthusiastic. Not the way I normally am. This only made me feel more guilty.
Not only did I not want to talk to God about my inadequacies, I couldn't even properly praise Him for His provision. I didn't want to enjoy the cake He gave us.
I felt empty.
Then...there was yesterday.
Yesterday God showed up with icing for His cake.
When times get hard in the ministry, they get hard for our family. I won't go into details, but this involves a lot of mental, emotional, spiritual and... financial strain. Truthfully we live VERY comfortably. I feel blessed and happy with what we have and how we live. I love what we do.
It's just that lately practical things keep falling to bits. The dryer. The windows. The paint. The roof. The AC. The sewer line. For the first time in well over 3 years I was feeling poor. I was sad. And wondering if God even noticed.
Then yesterday Scott was rifling through the mail and sliced open an envelope from our insurance company.
All he said was, "What's this?"
I came to look over his shoulder and went speechless. It was a check from our insurance company. On Thursday they had come out to survey our damage from the tornadoes. We hadn't thought much of it because our damage didn't seem too bad. Apparently, the insurance company felt otherwise.
Inside that envelope was not just an unexpected check. It was an unexpected gift from the Lord. A check that shows me God cares. He doesn't just care about His children in Uganda. He cares about His children in Birmingham too.
He loves me.
And even though I am still very convinced that I don't deserve this kindness at all, I will gladly sit down and enjoy this iced cake with Him. Because it doesn't matter if I deserve it or not. He is who He is not because of who I am. What a comfort.
Today I am humbly and gratefully accepting His grace with tears and delight. My cup overflows.