Letting Go

Thanks, everyone, for your sweet messages and prayers for our family.  The past two weeks have been so difficult!  Scott and I are an ocean apart, but we're facing similar situations.  We both had plans, and those plans have been altered due to events totally out of our control.

Scott has been held up by a few factors.  There is a lot of tension in Uganda right now with random bursts of violence across the city.  Scott feels safe enough, but the riots and road blocks are slowing his ability to move freely and finish his craft programs.

He will arrive in Atlanta late Monday evening.  He'll likely leave some unfinished business behind him.  But there is nothing he can do about this.  He just has to let go.

I will be at the airport waiting for him.  This was NOT my original plan, but as of Wednesday I've had to throw all my plans out the window.

I have spent the past few days just trying to let go and accept the new reality.

Last Tuesday night I sat down and mapped out the rest of my days until Scott got home.  I am typically not much of a scheduler, but I just felt the need to create some tangible goals. I had some specific things I wanted to accomplish.  I was kind of excited and looking forward to showing Scott my accomplishments when he returned.  I needed to feel productive.

I'd managed to get a few meals made up and stored in the freezer.  I had another day of cooking mapped out for Wednesday, but this is what Wednesday looked like:

I thought maybe I'd have power today.  Now it all looks like a big question mark.  My tree took out two power poles and there are dozens of trees and poles down around our neighborhood.

This is no simple fix.

The devastation that occurred in Alabama is mesmerizing.  I can't even get my mind around it.  And our old home, Chattanooga, was torn up as well.  Our situation seems so minor in light of it all.  I know many facing much worse.

My heart has been so heavy for the thousands and thousands of people whose lives have been utterly changed by this storm.  Just imagining all the details.  All they lost physically.  All they lost relationally.  All the endings and unexpected beginnings.  

I'm just sad.  I can't stop being sad.

My wonderful parents came to my rescue.  My sanity is really what needed rescuing the most.  I have been alone with my three year old for 9 days.  They put us in a hotel room, fed us and made sure I had some time alone to rest. (Vivian, who is currently sleeping next to me, woke me up at 3 am last night to ask if we would ever go to Disney World again.  I'm exhausted!)

But there isn't much more we can do here.  There is little point is sitting around waiting for the power to come on.  So I've decided to go stay with them in GA.  Scott will be home in 3 days!  And I will now be there when he lands.

This is a good thing, but I am still having trouble.

It seems so silly, but it has been really hard for me to accept the changes.  It has been hard to release my plan and embrace the way life is right now.  But I know this is what I have to do, so I pray to that end.

I just want things to be normal again.  I want them to be normal for our family.  I also want them to be normal for every other family I know.

I am learning how to let go.