I so truly wanted to post something bright and hopeful here today. But things turned out differently than I expected. Once again this morning I found myself staring at the ceiling tiles in the ultrasound room at Birmingham OBGYN with tears running down my face. I wanted to tell you all I was 9 weeks pregnant, but now I have to tell you that another baby is gone.
I have written about my prior miscarriage HERE on the blog before. And about my deep desire, yet temporary inability to have another child. After a year and a half of waiting we were overjoyed last month to learn we were finally expecting. Then today we were heartbroken again to see a sweet lifeless spot on the ultrasound monitor.
They say when it rains, it pours. And this month has felt like a monsoon. The robbery, a heavy work schedule keeping my husband away from home, an unexpected staff loss, and another baby to say goodbye to. I feel struck by repeated losses. I know the enemy wants nothing more than to rob my heart.
But that is sealed up in Christ. And though I am wounded and weary, my purpose and hope are firm. I continue to think of a line from an Andrew Peterson song I have always loved:
"The Man of all Sorrows
He never forgot
What sorrows are carried
By the hearts that He bought.
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God,
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not."
I cry to say goodbye to another child I'll never hold, but I am comforted knowing I have SO many children to love.